end of the year, end of the retrograde

tomorrow is a new day. new moon in Sagittarius.

The month is slowly coming to a close and its about time i reflect on this year. the beginning of this year, I was full of energy. I got my ged, i quit the job i hated, and i’ve expressed myself more than i ever have before. i’ve made new friends, i know more about myself and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

of course i’m hoping next year is better, but i hope to search within myself more. Find where my heart is. Water my grass. have my cake and eat it too.

meow!

i haven’t written a blog post in a very long time. i’ve accomplished quite a lot in a months span. i’m more relaxed on photography and i created, written, published and sold the first issue of my magazine. I sold all 10 copies, and i sold 2 PDF versions of the issue. when i look back on it, i’m suprised that i didn’t doubt myself at all. Im lucky to have people that support me and love my work. sometimes i can be my worst enemy but i think writing and making art with my hands is something i enjoy more often than photography.

I created everything with my bare hands, cut and pasted every piece, word and image. it means so much to me. its like a little baby of mine. Before that i made a small 8 page zine. it was the first time i’ve expressed myself and allowed myself to be vulnerable and sensitive. i have never seen myself do anything like that and i’m surprised and baffled!

Around mid november i had got through one of the worst depressive episodes i’ve ever had. every day i was coming closer and closer to the edge. i’m genuinely surprised that i came out of that alive. i don’t want to jinx myself but i’m doing better. much better. I know what my limits are, i know what i like and don’t like, and i also discovered a ton of music i enjoy.

I didn’t do much this year but i’m glad i’m not dead. Im excited for 2019. I’ll take the new year slow. allow myself to grow. because last time i was just eager to get things finished.