Well, February is almost over with and I'm very excited! That means spring is close to means warmer weather which means I'll have more energy to shoot! I'm ready for the snow to melt! But back to talking about the past month.
February was full of ups and downs. To start out with the good stuff, the magazine I'm working with has given people more opportunities to work on more content for the Instagram page and Twitter! I'm so excited and hopefully this will help me with writing and becoming a more social person. it also made me realize i need to be more honest with myself. I was able to get some cute props and things to use for photo shoots. I got a velvet cover I can use as a background and it feels like I'm getting out of my depressive funk.
I deleted Instagram from my phone for a while so I can focus on myself. Instagram has really proven itself to be an extremely distracting and kinda triggering app. 1 place to feel insecure about every aspect of me. Insecure about my body, about my art, and about how I dress and look. On top of that, i think I set myself up for failure again. I've been trying to study for my GED and I'm confident for my reading but I should've finished all my study material this month. I had all the time in the world to plan a photo shoot for my assignment and I never did it
It's like my insecurities, and fear of failure hold me back. I'm scared to ask people for help, to borrow their space, to meet new people, for people to actually see me. I haven't left my house in 2 months except to go to work on the weekends. I'm honestly terrified of people seeing me. People in Minneapolis, and in my community are so nice. I truly shouldn't have to worry about something as small as my appearance but one day I hope I can escape this mental prison and let myself be free. <3