Soul Searching

Lately its been quite boring. i don’t have the drive to do things i love, i don’t have the energy to make goals and the idea of being successful or doing things that will be good for me don’t interest me. like i used to want to travel but not anymore. i used to have ideas for photoshoots and i don’t anymore. i’ve been depressed. i had a breakdown not to long ago and it drained the tiny bit of emotion and hope out of me.

thinking about my life i, i’m not happy with how its going. i feel tempted to settle for bullshit when i know things could be better but i don’t have the energy. with how things are going, i need a serious change. i’m confident in myself and how i navigate the world but whats new that i could do while being unemployed? who can give me an experience thats life changing? whats about my personality that i need to change to be happy?

im not sure what to do. my confidence and self image has been completely destroyed, i’m suicidal again; more than i was when i was 16 and my depression has evolved into something more dangerous. i feel absolutely hopeless. i hope that this is just depression and nothing serious. but at the same time i want something new to live for. i’m also considering its that i didn’t give up on photography yet when i usually would’ve given up like months ago.

I don’t even like the things i used to love anymore. i don’t even like music, tv shows or even sleeping with 3 covers anymore.

Maybe i should spend more time outside. be honest with people and do things out of my comfort zone. maybe that’ll change things