Thoughts: Life Wasted

I'm thinking about how my life has been wasted. my depression really held me back from great things. when I got into high school I wasn't set on graduating because i "knew" I was going to waste away before I hit the age of 17. I didn't bother planning out my future or making goals. but here I am, almost 20 and I don't have much going for me at the moment. I see myself getting older and while everyone whos younger, has so much going for them. I have the tendency to harp on the past but I know I cant because it's only going to lead me to disaster. it does make me sad though. I honestly haven't grown. I'm still insecure, I'm still shy, and I'm still wreckless. I'm not sure what will change me.

I had a lot of racing thoughts and it's bad for me to keep them all bottled up. writing them down helps me significantly sort my thoughts out, no matter how incoherent it is.